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less than a month! Lost Curt Guldenshue not exactly but almost a month ago but then found out yesterday that "Lady Elaine" or "Celeste Heldstab" my 1st mentor had passed away Beltane evening! Just in the middle of the night... things were just now after years and years and of fighting and striving they had reached their goal and really going good then this? Hard for me to understand. Curt made a wee bit more sense no less heartbroken or missed but he had major health problems which helped make it a little bit more expected and understandable but... Celeste? shakes head..... She was the one I met first back in 2002? or 3? when the internet had just got past the BBS stage (whenever that was) and was my first intro to true magic.

Besides being sad at losing them (and of course many others) I am angry!
(I don't understand I don't have a right to be angry.. confused) why am I so angry? It is not like I interacted daily or almost daily like I do here so why am I feeling this so strongly? I don't have the right really but I am... so, so angry. didn't cry when my own family members passed but I am so torn over these strangers passing.... shakes head....

I am sorry for your loss. Don't feel bad for being angry, you are grieving and everyone feels grief differently. These people were your mentors and maybe you are sad that you did not take more advantage of their wisdom. It is okay to to feel angry and sad at missed opportunities. Try meditating, maybe they will come and see you one last time. They must have been really special to you. Blessings!

We get so close to our fellow Sisters and Brothers it does seem like we have lost a bit of our sole, i know ill never be over Anita's passing (SilverFirelight) i sill greave for her, i miss her so much, we skyped everyday, i even went to visit her, and I'm so glad i did. Her Granddaughter (that she raised) had a Baby, she would have adored that.
You feel your feelings, and know they in a small way are always with you.

Blessings, so sorry for your loss

Thank you.. I just feel foolish since I had never met them in real life just over web forums or messengers, like you guys were my mentors at Majika and here!...It just shocked me I guess, she was only 59 and just after years even doing a brick and mortar front got her business really going good was one of the most unexpected passing's.. it seems. Curt has already paid me a visit saying goodbye in his onry way but like you said I regret all the times I didn't ask more questions, more.. shakes head....anyway Curt surprised us by leaving a pic of me at a year old nakkid on a bed belly down looking up at camera found its way to our hall floor out of a big tub of pics that was put away hadn't seen it in years... he was a very onry old fart. I just was thrown by this one I suppose.

Sometimes death hits us harder than we would realise. I think sometimes we have a bigger emotional link than we thought we had. Light a candle for them and wish them well on the next part of their journey.

That's wild, go Curt!!! that would have shocked me for sure!