Trump

[Elia]

Did you all hear his Wife is going to stay in New York instead of the White House

There is a whole new level of Secret Service nightmares that has to follow her everywhere, and the kids New York already has enough traffic problems, you go Trump make it worse!!!
What the White House not gold enough!!

[patrah]

Well to get the bitterness out of me to move forward I was asking about somethings...
Belonged to the forum some time ago, lost interest...
This time was getting somewhere with what I want to do...
And first they did not understand my posts....
Then my posts were too long(I own that one), but saw longer posts and promised to shorten them...
Edited them before submitting....
I don't know their reasons....
Wasn't finished with inquiries though...
And it is a bit deflating to go through things like that and not know why people are how they are....
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired....
Still grieving quite a lot...
Have got to keep it inside though....
Now because I have been trying for months to gain help with out avail, those who give little help are concerned for my emotional state as it relates to my living situation....
But won't take the time to assist me with making adjustments....
I am afraid of being displaced; not by choice but by judgement values and actions of others....
And I am at the point where others may not see much logic in where I find myself.....
I dreampt last night about the ex friend who wished harm on all I know....
She approached me to call me friend and as for help....
I am fuzzy on the details, but I believe she is afraid of me now...
I have done nothing to her except talk to others(bad idea), try to rid myself of those feelings which have got to be dismissed for me to move forward....
I am emotionally distraught.....
And my living conditions may very well warrant action which I am not ready for....
The point is is that from the beginning the people I care most for have been against me having animals...
And everything was blamed on that...
Since I never complied with their views, I believe there has been an unspoken steadfast move to either get me to see the point, or become desparate....
With no prior assistance with wha t I want...
Now I am being encouraged to abandon a very long time goal because it has gotten to that point...
And I may even sound illogical to you guys now....
But I know that what I want is quite rational....
I have had more than normal amount of hindrances....
Because the larger picture thought pattern is diametrically opposed to me wanting what everyone else feels entitled to...
But with the animals...
Now I know I feel less love now that my dog friend is gone, but I cannot fathom just getting rid of them and getting an apartment....

With that dream, I am sad....
My son was shaking his head no to everything I said to him today, and seemed to have no idea that what he was saying did not match his shaking his head no....
It seems and has so for a long time now, that for me to adhere to what "is best for me" in the opinions of others, I must abandon my goals, and be compartmentalizatalize into the way that I will be less bothersome to others...
I a not on that page yet....
What will I do...
Just leave everyone alone...?
I am crying again.....

[Ouroboros]

Everything seems to be dark right now. Things will get better. It will take a while but believe me, they will.

[patrah]

Thanks ouroboros...
My concern is how much worse before better begins to catch on?
I am beginning to believe again to doubt me and my goals and my passions, and listen to others....
I read someplace the other day you can give up on methods to reach your goals, but not in your goals....
And if an family or friend decides to go farther than I feel they should r/t me and what is best, then I may be in for some blue times....

[patrah]

Repercussions with me are usually much more than they should be....
If I kill a mosquito for instance, I might break a toe(hypothetical exaggeration; there is a word for that; I am at a loss for it though), so karmic ally speaking, with regard to the bad stuff, I call things to me way out of proportion...
With the regard to good, I seem to call far less to me of any benefit....
I have come to believe that there is some remote, long past programming which has to be discovered and disseminated, for me to carry on in a more beneficial manner....
I have been searching for this 'thing' which has been there for awhile now....
The other thought is that there is a false Allie, whom I have not discovered to be so, who has successfully sabotaged my every move....
Then there is the fear that this programmed state, is actually me and I am the false friend to myself....
I really want to avoid turning it all around and pointing the finger at myself....
And want to dispel the energy causing this dilema....
What to do, what to do, what to do....
B
B

[Ouroboros]

[Elia]

Oh Dear, Baby I'm so sorry you're having such trouble

You know what I say to anyone wanting me to change something (like pets) "when you start paying all my bills, ill think about it"

Now that's just how I feel, why should you give up your animals when you love them so, seem they are closer to you than the humans trying to change you.
I agree with Ouroboros, pick one thing a day to contour, do that and just keep going, start small, and tell the people in your life, if you cant support and actually help, go away!!!
I know what they are trying to do, they may have good intentions and want you to be more comfortable, maybe the apt. wont allow pets (this place doesn't and I had to part with mine, but I did choose that) but its your life, you're the only one that can live it.
I always have you in my prayers, I want the best for you, but I believe you're the only one that know what's best.

Bless you Baby